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It all makes sense, but it's not enough. Yeah, that's not what I meant at all, Queen. At all.


Some of them may not want to be married. Of course I do. This was a great read. In their attempt to figure it all out, they sought out comedian-turned-radio-host and "Think Like a Man Act Like a Woman" author Steve Harvey who became the go-to guy about all things relationship. I don't have an issue with Steve Harvey. Without any academic or research background, Steve Harvey, just like actor-turned-"relationship expert" Hill Harper, or anyone else who offers common sense advice as relationship gospel, is ill-equipped to answer the "why" question.

By spring, I began to feel a bit freakish about my black singleness. Even if all 42 percent of them desire marital relationships, though, maybe it's just not time.

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Well, not me, specifically, but black women in general. There are certainly plenty examples of women—black, white and in between—who've married the wrong person, or the right person at the wrong time, and found themselves as part of another statistic: the divorced crowd. They say God protects children and fools. I agree.

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So 42 percent of black women are single and have never been married, that doesn't have necessarily have to be a cause for alarm. As I said in the piece, everyone getting up in arms about black women not getting married confuses me when there are a myriad of reasons for anyone not to marry. And should I never marry—I'm keenly aware this is a likelihood— what a wonderful gift to offer my family, friends and the people in the world around me: a woman who isn't looking to others to satisfy her.

I am tired of the books and movies that depict black males in a negative light. Do I believe some women marry just for validation?

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I have a good friend you is a Sociologist and for years he has said, "Black girls and black boys are taught by this society to hate each other. This analogy was true for many girls that I grew up with; however, not mine. The problem seems universal: We want the other person to change, because taking personal responsibility isn't fun. One thing that kept the media's interest through last year was why so many black women are single.

They process.

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Forty-two percent of African American women have yet to be married, compared to 23 percent of white women, according to a Yale study. This was the message about black boys from some whites: Their anatomial appendage is so large that it would tear the private parts of a white female. They laugh. I certainly find more interesting things to obsess about. Two unhealthy people will never a healthy relationship make; it's impossible.

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Instead of searching for validation and affirmation strictly from outside sources, perhaps the women have decided to concentrate on filling themselves. What about Hallie Berry? But the point I was making is instead of being concerned about why I and the rest of my 42 percenters aren't married, national media and the people who depend on it for mindless chatter should find a real cause to expend their energy on besides my singleness.

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The U. Census reported that there were 1. They cry. Their desire for companionship overrode their self-value. They develop genuine friendships that not only empower them and grow them up, but they also offer an opportunity for the women to see themselves. s say it's those women who look like me who are having the most trouble, but I don't know of too many people having an easy go of relationships.

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Single women do not have to sit around waiting for Mr. Right: They can be about preparing themselves for great careers, participating in child rearing or having their own as a single parent if they so choose and without the fear of being labeled. They can, as Natalie says, take care of herself. This is when I knew for sure America's interest in my life was nothing short of people not having anything else to talk about at the time.

These well witten and greatly prduced pieces would be fine if we had more to choose from. Let's revisit a couple of the most devastating—says the media—statistics before we get started:.

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People marry for all sorts of reasons that make sense to them. They therapize. So, there you have it: My first lesson in boy girl relationships was that of being told that they wanted to have sex and that this would be the end of my childood. I was devastated because I had never given this a second thought! Harvey admonishes women to not lower their standards for a man's sake and warns that men are aware that women are desperate and nervous because they think there's a man shortage. It was said by Gov. Ross Barnett that we had to continue segregation because of what black boys desired in white women and that integration would only produce a state of "tea colored children.

Maybe some of these women have chosen to remain single until they're ready to be in a long-term committed relationship.

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Many people I've heard complain about him have said things like: "He's been married three times. Some of those reasons aren't healthy reasons. Most of the men in the film were less than desirable characters. That's lone work. Am I still a single, black female? And if someone is looking to help, isn't that one question, among others, we need to figure out the answer to? While the men may be trifling, it's a much sadder commentary on the women.

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The earliest I can remember being told negative things about black boys was the day I started my menstral. We don't. What can he tell me about having a healthy relationship? We learn as much from failures, if not more, than from our and others' successes. No matter the sappy sentimental line in "Jerry Maguire," it's bull: No one can complete you.

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Do I regret majoring in political science and philosophy at Millsaps instead of working diligently toward acquiring an Mrs. I am confident that by the time I get married, I will be a woman so full of herself not in that cocky sense, mind you my husband will be proud and honored to call me his partner.

Her BIG fear was that of my becoming pregnant.

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That's our society as a whole. You're seeking answers to questions about black folks from a comedian—not a sociologist, marriage and family therapist or a psychologist, but a man who wrote a common-sense manual about dating? I was visiting my grand mother and for her, this date marked the day that boys would want to have sex these words were not used by her,but, were understood.

It seemed everyone who'd never paid attention to me otherwise the Russians, for example was concerned about who I was going to date. Conceivably, the women are a bit more foolish than they'd ever care to admit, and someone, something is watching over them. They lied, cheated, and abused their loved ones and substances, but the women chose to be with them. The last time I wrote about the single life was almost a year ago.

One of the "whys" is because we're emotionally unintelligent, relationally retarded and self ignorant. That's not the issue. They chose partners out of their lack, and chose to stay with men who weren't committed to them or a better life because they'd convinced themselves they weren't strong enough to stand alone.

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One of those reasons could be that instead of looking to distract themselves by marrying from personal work they need to do, they actually do the work. And that's not just black women.

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Yep, I am. Can anyone tell me what Denzel Washington got his award for? A few things have changed for me since then, but not really.