I know we have never met but I love you. One where I actually went and did it knowing what I was doing, choosing to do so and so I felt in charge, not ashamed at all. Regardless, both are not constructive. I have to admit I did have a few but it was not intended to be a ons.
They do this by emotionally recoiling and being passively judgemental even though, more often than not, these people have done things that are much more ethically and morally questionable than having a one night stand. I love you with all of my heart Brandon. Good luck on your dissertation and coursework! Loved reading your words.
ONS are empty emotional calories, not nourishment. I had one a few days ago and for the first time, have the worst emotional hangover. I wish I would have just been told that if you end up in a place where you are seeking this kind of connection, all you need to do is take a step back and ask yourself WHY you want it. You affirm that there is nothing inherently wrong with a ONS, and I think approaching this topic without prejudging the situation is best. Because you feel so worthless and unloved, you become addicted to feeling wanted, special, and loved for a night.
Hello Natasha, I can say I had both type of one night stands. Thank you for writing this. Love you. Get to know yourself, figure out what it is you really want, and go for THAT. You hit the nail on the head with this post. They take my work to a deeper level of understanding and inclusion.
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You always write amazing comments. I shared your post with them out of love and they are now addicted to the blog! PMS is definitely a place to heal, fill up our emotional tanks and as you wrote — ground ourselves. This post helped ground me. Post comment. I look forward to your event in New York and following your career as it continues to grow. You saved me from myself 2 years ago and I will forever be a loyal reader riding my white horse. When are you going to write a post? Thank you for always sharing your personal experiences, it lets us all know we are not alone and we all are human.
One night stands are fine, if they stay one. The best way to keep your dignity intact is to communicate through your words and actions that you have self-respect. I love you and this tribe. Natasha, your insights and advice are a breath of fresh air and invaluable to young women. The purpose of this post is not to bring out the moral or judgemental police, nor is it about wanting to ignite a conversation that further dilutes something I personally think we can do a lot better at understanding and not judging.
Never question or doubt the impact you have Natasha. So that was definitely the one night stand that got worse, in my opinion it happened exactly because it did not stay a ONE night stand.
And there are men out there reading these posts too. I was feeling so ashamed for the ons I had this weekend that I thought of ending my life. It occurred to me that ONS might even be considered an acid test for self-love.
No one is trying to wake up engaged the morning after. The shame sabotaged the relationship I had with myself, and in the case where it turned into a relationship, the other person. Oh Natasha!
I agree with you about when the shame sets in. Looking back, both had a degree of shame associated with them. I have been following PMS for the last year and a half. The other one turned out to be a fwb relationship without me even realizing it- I did not want a relationship but the sex was soooooo good.
Are you doing any more speaking engagements anytime soon?
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I have only had a few in my 43 years, and hold no judgement. Please let us know about any speaking engagements on the east coast!!! It may be that a penchant for ONS arises from a preference for people who are emotionally unavailable; there is nothing wrong with connecting with such people provided that one is realistic about what they can deliver. I think one night stands are very confusing, unnecessarily judged, and extremely contradictory.
Always so happy and honored to help. Being a guy, I never wanted to comment but I have seen some guys comment on other posts and decided to today. They are de structive. So proud of you Karen — you got this. Whatever your beliefs are, if you are having one night stands or if you choose to have a one night stand in the future….
Thank you for your support and speaking to us in a way that seems so personalized! Hahahah I was laughing too as I was writing it???
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For some people, one night stands are a full-blown addiction. I want to provide for you, everything that I wish was said to me about one night stands. Even for us guys. Save my name,and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Beautifully written, as ever. You should write a post. Everything is consensual and safe. What defines us is the growth and evolution from lessons learned — not the shame from acting on insecurities that we ALL feel.
One was a literal one night stand and the other was a one night stand… that turned into a relationship… that lasted over a year. Thank you for helping so many people in this world.
Just like there are two different depictions of one night stands, there are two different reactions most people get when sharing their one night stand experiences. There is unfortunately nothing I can do to give a chocolate chip cookie the nourishment that broccoli provides just as there is nothing one can do to make a ONS deliver the emotional nourishment of a deeper relationship with someone.
Your comments heal, connect, and help so many. Just be YOU. You are either with the wrong person or, you feel like you are wrong — either way, save yourself the shame, guiltand heartbreak. It means everything to me.
You are desperate for true love but are always in a limerent state. This really covers all the bases Natasha. Do not proceed. Your insight is sharp and thoughtful. You get to the root of it all. Everyday, I am thankful for you being here and for the nourishment that because you gave yourself, you are able to provide for us all??
Thanks sister. I am a straight 31 year old man and have had one night stands before. If you are doing it for the wrong reasons, you should prioritize looking for more sustainable relationships such as true, mutual friendships with yourself first and foremost and spend some time alone. You have helped me more than therapy ever did. Surprisingly, I fell in love and he was not there.
I know many would second this.