Dealing with a global crisis adds stress to many relationships, but it creates a great opportunity for growth as well. He is a chef and restaurant owner who is out of the house from 9 a. This time spent under the same roof is showing me the problematic aspects of our relationship, and making me question whether this is really the right fit.
I feel that his anxiety is making him get stuck in his own head, so while he is more than happy to talk about his thoughts, he is rarely ready to listen, and often distracted. In Subscribe. Many couples are finding that whatever differences existed between them before the pandemic are now amplified.
Dear therapist: i’m losing patience with my boyfriend in quarantine
I have a few suggestions for how to do that. Popular Latest. My boyfriend is autistic, and it took me a while to appreciate the ways in which he is different from me. We have been together for more than two years, and although we live together, we both have busy work lives. It was a lovely sentiment, a daydream about being with each other, and one that supports something you wrote later: that your boyfriend makes you happy, he understands you, and you consider him to be a special person whose company you enjoy.
Before the coronavirus pandemic, we used to spend an hour at the end of each day catching up about our lives. Second, during hard times, current stressors commonly trigger memories of a past stressful time.
Sundays, which we both had off, used to feel like special occasions, and we would make the most of them by spending quality time together. It comes out passive aggressively instead. The Atlantic Crossword. This last point is important, because while most people get together because of what they have in common, the strength of a relationship tends to be determined by how people tolerate their differences. Now is not the moment to make big decisions about a relationship—these kinds of decisions are best made from a place of calm thought and reflection.
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I always used to daydream about spending more time with my boyfriend. I miss the days when we used to talk about other things— cinema, literature, psychology, and our feelings.
Ask yourself, Does the present situation remind me of another stressful time in which I felt unheard or angry? Read: How not to tank your relationship in quarantine.
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To complicate things, we are staying with his mother, and I find it difficult to contain my anger in front of her. He tends to repeat himself when he feels anxious, so we have had many daily conversations about the coronavirus, his cooking, and what our plans are for the next few days.
If you can view your boyfriend as a person with his own personality and quirks, just as he must view you as someone with your own personality and quirks, you'll be helping yourself not only during this pandemic but also when things normalize as well. What you seem to have in common is that you thrive on work and structure, so it makes sense that now having long expanses of open time is going to affect both of you—but perhaps in different ways. If you default to viewing your boyfriend through the lens of autism, you may lose sight of the person right in front of you.
Always seek the advice of your physician, mental-health professional, or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. I want to caution you, though, to be careful not to attribute to autism whatever behaviors irk you, and also to consider that autism is a wide spectrum.
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I have wondered this at times before. Read: We need to stop trying to replicate the life we had. Isolation also places a tremendous burden on coupled people to meet all the needs of their partner that used to be met by a combination of friends, family, co-workers, and even small talk with the barista at Starbucks. Also, many people without a diagnosis of autism are struggling with the loss of their daily routines. Read: Why people are confessing their crushes right now.
Dear Therapist is for informational purposes only, does not constitute medical advice, and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.